Because I find things on the internet.
And because I'm bored.
Current status: testing out my AWESOME new mini speaker by dancing around my living room to the Spice Girls and N*Sync and generally freaking my cat right the fuck out.
I’m pretty sure these Welch’s Fruit Snacks are expired and I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t be eating them but whatevs YOLO.
Johnny Cash + quaaludes x detachment = the lead singer of The National’s voice.
I used to be able to make my insomnia work for me but these days I am insomnia’s bitch.
I think I’m going to change Franklin’s name to Gollum for the following reasons:
I will seriously kill my cat if he doesn’t stop whining. The only reason he’s whining is so I will come pick him up and hold him for a few seconds until he decides to start attacking my arm and I am just not in the mood for that shit.
Like clockwork, as soon as Franklin gets calmed down and settled on the couch, I inevitably have to go to the bathroom and he spends the next hour or so being a mischievous, whiny asshole. It’s almost Pavlovian.
Logan: Guess what.
Logan: Gelato bar at the wedding.
me: OMG BEST WEDDING EVER.
me: HANDS DOWN.
Logan: I'll collect my trophy later.
me: Your wedding just kicked the ass of every wedding I've ever been to or will ever go to.
If I ever win an Oscar I want to remember to thank the babysitter I had when I was 8 who introduced me to the concept of a tablespoon of peanut butter as a snack. I don’t remember her name, but she was a goddamn hero.